Leather Strap On (bondage_heart) wrote,
Leather Strap On
bondage_heart

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Try

I learned that sometimes all you have to do is try. and try harder. life can get tough. it can be dark and mean and scary. but it's nothing personal. it's not the world against me. just me against the world. me against life. how about i make peace with my inner demons and that scary darkness that consumes me. how about i try. just a little harder.

Im living life and most of the time i dont know what i am doing. i walk around. where am i going? my life got consumed by this darkness and i could not find a way out. consumed by lost love and drugs. now i want to leave it all behind but i cant just go away. i cant just leave. i now have to fight it. live by it. slowly turn my life around. not turn my life back. no. because where i was isnt much better than where i am now. but i must go on. its sad to think about it. even sadder to live it. im doing this. enhalling that. line after line. hit after hit. scar after scar. im with him. but i love her. still. thats all it is. and i dont like it. dont want it. dont want to live that. dont even want to live at all sometimes. i dont know what i want. i just know that in my heart i want to be happy. like everyone else. i just dont know how to be that right now. and maybe i wont know for awhile. but i have to be patient with life. i know i cant just say im going to stop. and stop. because i know i wont. i like...no. i love the fucked up things in life too much to just be able to pick up and leave them. its going to be hard. its going to take time. but i think i can do it. eventually. im going to try. just. try.
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